Revised from Parenting Class Leaders Bonnie Smith and Judy Dixon – From the Book Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PRAISE & POSITIVE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
The inverse power of praise – is a neurobiological fact.
- By calling your child smart it does not prevent underperforming – it may actually be causing it. Columbia University
- An extrinsic reward system releases neurotransmitters, which can inhibit creativity, problem-solving and recall.
- Praise, rewards, gold stickers and A’s often impair intrinsic motivation.
| ACKNOWLEDGEMENT | PRAISE | POSITIVE |
|---|---|---|
| Webster’s Definition: | (1) to express a favorable judgment of (2) to glorify, especially by attribution of perfection (3) an expression of approval | (1) to inspire with courage (2) to spur on, stimulate |
| Addresses: | The doer: "You’re such a good girl." "Good boy." | The deed: "I appreciate your cooperation." "Good effort. (expand, be specific)" |
| Recognizes | Only the complete, perfect product: "You did it right." | Effort (a controllable variable) "It looks like you worked hard." |
| Goal | Conformity: "You did it right." Goal oriented | Understanding, empathy: What do you think, feel, or learn?” Process oriented |
| Attitude | Patronize, manipulate: "I like the way that Susie is sitting." "You should be sitting quietly" | Appreciative, respectful: "Who can show me how to sit to show that you are ready?" |
| “I” Message | Judgmental: "I like the way you did that." "You should be sitting quietly." | Self-disclosing "I" messages: "I appreciate your help." |
| Invites | Person to change for others. | Person to change for self. |
| Locus of Control | External, dependent, praise junkie: “What do you think?” “All A’s, I’m giving you a reward.” | Internal, self-evaluator: "What do I think?" "That reflects your hard work." |
| Teaches | What to think. | How to think. |
| Effect on Self-Esteem | Feel worthwhile: Only when others approve. | Feel worthwhile: From within |
| Long Range Effect | Needs approval, “watch me” insecure, less task persistence, less willing to take risks, less initiative or willingness to share ideas, more tentative in responses, defeatism, deadened enthusiasm, boast and brag to get attention, overinflated sense of abilities, aloofness, cynicism and selfishness | Self-confidence, self-reliance. able to enter neurological flow. |
| Ownership | Robs person of ownership and pleasure of own achievement: "I am so proud of you." "You did it just like I told you." | Recognizes ownership and responsibility for achievement: "You must be proud of yourself." "You figured it out for yourself." |
