praise and acknowledgement
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PRAISE & POSITIVE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
The inverse power of praise – is a neurobiological fact.
*By calling your child smart it does not prevent underperforming – it may actually be causing it. Columbia University
*An extrinsic reward system releases neurotransmitters, which can inhibit creativity, problem-solving and recall.
*Praise, rewards, gold stickers and A’s often impair intrinsic motivation. Alfie Kohn
|Webster’s Definition:||(1) to express a favorable judgment of|
(2) to glorify, especially by attribution of perfection
(3) an expression of approval
|(1) to inspire with courage
(2) to spur on, stimulate
|Addresses:||The doer: |
"You’re such a good girl."
"I appreciate your cooperation."
"Good effort. (expand, be specific)"
|Recognizes||Only the complete, perfect product:|
"You did it right."
|Effort (a controllable variable)
"It looks like you worked hard."
"You did it right."
What do you think, feel, or learn?”
"You worked hard and you got it"
"You practiced and practiced and you
figured it out"
"Do your best"
"I like the way that Susie is sitting."
"You should be sitting quietly"
"Who can show me how to sit to show that you are ready?"
Indulges as Special
excessive focus on self and being the best
Assists in seeing true self accurately
|“I” Message||Judging/Feeling |
"You should be sitting quietly."
"I like the way you did that."
Others are responsible for how you feel
"I feel sad you call me names."
|Self-disclosing "I" messages:
"I appreciate your help"
Action "will/wont I" messages
I will listen when you speak calmly
I wont play unlessyou stop namecalling
|Invites||Person to change for others.||Person to change for self.|
|Locus of Control||External, dependent, praise junkie:|
takes out of the moment
“What do you think?”
“All A’s, I’m giving you a reward.”
deepens involvement in work
"What do I think?"
"That reflects your hard work."
|Teaches||What to think.||How to think.|
|Effect on Self-Esteem||Feel worthwhile:|
Only when others approve.
|Long Range Effect||Needs approval, “watch me” insecure, less task |
persistence, less willing to take risks, less
initiative or willingness to share ideas, more
tentative in responses, defeatism, deadened
enthusiasm, boast and brag to get attention,
overinflated sense of abilities, aloofness,
when expectations ultimately fall short ,
tasks turned into something to please you or
win your approval
able to enter neurological flow,
strong self esteem, resiliency,
cause and effect thinking
problem solving skills,
sense of control over own
|Ownership||Robs person of ownership and pleasure of own achievement: |
"You did it just like I told you."
"I am so proud of you."
for own achievement or points out
reason to feel proud:
"That wasn’t easy."
"You figured it out for