I tried to teach my child with books,
He gave me only puzzled looks.
I tried to teach my child with words,

They passed him by, often unheard
Despairingly I turned aside,

How shall I teach this child? I cried.
Into my hand, he put the key,

come,  he said, play with me.

                                                                                    – Author unknown

Come on, let’s play

Messages: I am here! I am your witness! I understand! I care!

Me ‘N’ U MENU©

These details allow us to begin to play with the child in a specific, supportive, healing manner. After age ten, instead of following the child’s play, change this special time to sit and chat time daily. Mostly listening and following, How do you feel about that? Do you want to do anything about that? I see… I hear… So, what you’re saying is…

The Parent-Child Itemized Homeplay List is from Creative Therapies. The ten play strategies

described in the training manual, When a child does not play: how to develop the play of children (5+)Training manual of 10 play strategies. The technique has excellent therapeutic benefits, which extends to include positive time spent together; improvement in the adult-child relationship; an increase in a positive attitude towards each other; an increase in adult and child confidence and security; a reduction in adult criticism and negative feedback; an increase in child’s feelings of self-worth; the improvement of child’s emotional state, calmer with improved listening skills; and time together will become more enjoyable.

1. P for Plan: Schedule one, two or three 20-minute, one-on-one blocks of Homeplay a day. This routine is best established with a rhythm, such as after breakfast, lunch and dinner. Ideally, the time with the child is relaxed and calm, and your attention is continuous. It is essential to remain in the moment, not preoccupied with outside interference or distractions. All screens and other potential interruptions, including phone alerts, are turned off. No screens, cause-and-effect toys or stereotypical figurines are made available. Also, avoid store-purchased competitive games. Think natural, simple, open-ended and loose parts to foster imagination. (See Appendix A & B for ideas.)
2. Follow the child’s lead in play. The caregiver informs the child, It’s time for our special time. The child decides what to do and how to play. Alternatively, if the child is already at play, we observe until we find an entry point to join in. Ask for directions and clarification with How? and What? Questions: How many trains shall I have? or What do you want my doll to say? Trust the journey. Our task is to follow and allow the child to take us along an exploration, to discover and rework issues regardless of where we may think they are.
3. Provide concise, non-judgmental, non-directive and non-corrective statements. We will be tempted but must refrain from questions, suggestions, praise, commands, interpretations, evaluations, directions, and teaching. This ‘as is’ acceptance of the child and the play is critical to the natural flow of what is within the child.
4. Observe and narrate the child according to Curative Language Skill #1, Track. Tracking means observing and narrating the ongoing intentions and purpose of the play in simple, brief language (less than ten words). The Language of Tracking includes: You are pretending to… Right now, you… I notice… I see… and You are… We describe an action, not a thought, feeling or emotion. The observations are stated gently, allowing the child to elaborate, correct or disagree. A play-by-play description is avoided. The pronouns are generalised; for example, You put that in there to allow the child to lead, identify objects for self and remain in metaphor. During Creative Therapies training, clinicians found it helpful to write the language reminders, colour-coding them by skill number, on index cue cards taped to the walls.
5. Ignore mildly inappropriate behaviours. If the child behaves poorly, turn away/withdraw for a moment, then return to the play. If the behaviour continues or becomes disruptive, destructive or worse, state, I will return to play with you in ‘X’ minutes, the equivalent number of minutes as the child is years old. We do not discuss, explain or provide any other attention. We set a timer. Timers are helpful because they do not respond to a child’s martyrdom, badgering, intimidation, threats, buttering up or physical attacks. Timers just keep ticking. We reenter the play when the timer indicates and do not mention the previous behaviour. We finish the remainder of the twenty minutes.Then, provided we have demonstrated unconditional positive regard, we will earn the privilege to empathise by accurately reflecting on the child’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
6. Reflect the child back to the child, Curative Language Skill #2. The Language of Reflection includes, It looks like… You think…. You feel… You look sad because… You are… It sounds like… It seems… It feels like… You wonder if… As we implement the above-itemised skills, we enter the child’s sacred, symbolic world of play. The skill is to validate through compassionate reflections to provide the child with opportunities to work through feelings in a safe, emotionally supportive environment. The premise is the child knows more about self than we do and will correct, reject or simply ignore a reflection when it is mistaken, judgmental or condescending.
   Reflections are respectful statements to convey understanding and acceptance. Carl Rogers wrote A good reflection is not a repetition but a revelation. Avoid ‘fixing’ language such as: trying to cheer up the child; making feelings go away; asking to defend or explain feelings; or making the child wrong for having feelings.Benefits include: self-awareness deepens; self-acceptance increases; empathy builds; and a positive forward momentum develops.
7. Be gentle with yourself. Understanding the first few experiences are challenging because of the unfamiliar process, orientation,        and language. Keep at it. Initially, caregivers give too many commands. They want to teach. Focus on the curative language. It takes practice, but the benefits to us and the child last a lifetime.

The caregiver and the child benefit from Me ‘n’ u playtime. These benefits include positive time spent together; strengthened bonding; improvement in the adult-child relationship; an increase in a positive attitude towards one another; an increase in adult and child confidence and security; a reduction in adult criticism and negative feedback; an increase in child’s feelings of self-worth; the improvement of child’s emotional state; a calmer child with improved listening skills; and time together will become more enjoyable. And, of course, connection and play are two of the five childhood roots of adult happiness. Many parents and caregivers report when times get challenging, they return to this therapeutic technique, given all its benefits.